Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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