i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize