i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize