dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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