a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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