to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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