I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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