Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize