Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Are my feet made of real feet?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize