Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You're like the curious george of whores
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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