In the future we'll all be gay
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize