a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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