I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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