Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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