Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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