we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize