hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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