i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
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I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
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Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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