I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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