if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize