We're facebook friends in real life
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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