Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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