why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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