i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
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You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
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1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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