I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize