so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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