Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
high people should be assigned attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize