she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
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You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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