fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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