Plan B is the new Plan A
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
we're so committed to being not committed
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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