apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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