I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize