I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize