ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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