I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
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Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
don't judge my taste in strippers
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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