If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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