You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I want to be your penis for a week.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize