well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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