Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize