You really coming over, don't trick.
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize