If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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