So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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