I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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