can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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