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I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
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