I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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