I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
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So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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