just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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