His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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