Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize