The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize